Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Who are you really?
The concept of projection emerged from Sigmund Freud’s work on the defense mechanism people use to protect themselves from seeing and accepting the shadow side/negative aspects of themselves. It is the process of displacing one’s own unacceptable urges onto another. For example, if someone is continually suspicious or accuses their partner of unfaithfulness, they may be projecting their own struggle with remaining faithful, fear of rejection or low self-esteem onto the other person.
The truth is, we are projected upon from the day of our birth and sometimes even in the womb though we are unaware of it. Consider a soon-to-be parent imagining their child-to-be. An avid sportsperson is already anticipating a like-minded offspring who they will play basketball with. This projection will likely continue in small and large ways. An early birthday present will be a basketball, tossing a ball around will become a means of connecting and later, the parent may persistently remind their child to attend practice. Basketball has become an immutable part of the child’s reality.
The process of projection includes the largely unconscious transference of thinking patterns, emotional responses, attitudes, values, expectations, beliefs, limitations, behaviours, opinions……etc. A compliant child will participate in the reality presented by the parent they instinctually desire to please the agent of their survival. If the parent was an avid musician, this would have been part of the projection and the impressionable child would be playing guitar instead of basketball.
Projections that are repeated often enough are incorporated into a person’s personality and identity, especially if they are supported by multiple other sources - family, friends, media, school etc. Some people call this “conditioning” whereby desired responses are reinforced and unwanted responses are rebuked in some way. For instance, a parent may reprimand or “guilt trip” our budding basketballer if he/she skips practice to go and “jam” with friends.
Projections quickly become emmeshed in our subconscious and our day-to-day reality. We start “living up to them”, reflecting the projections of others back to them in our personality and actions. We then find ourselves in a self-sustaining loop of “being” what others expect thus reinforcing their belief that the image they have of us is true. Influencers, advertisers and advocates of the adage, “fake it until you make it” are adept at projecting an image of themselves so strongly that others respond to the information as if it were true.
So, if who we think we are is at least in part influenced by projections and reinforced by reflections, which part of us is authentic? Peeling back the layers can be complex, confronting and confusing.
Our basketball player may have built a lifestyle, network of friends and persona around the original parental projection. The fallout from dismantling these things can be enormous even for someone who has had an epiphany that playing the guitar is really their “gig”. A well-educated, upwardly mobile career person is likely to shake up a few perceptions and relationships if he/she suddenly realises they are naturally inclined to growing tomatoes in a commune.
It’s certainly easier to say, “well, that’s just me” and continue down the familiar narrow path that has been laid out for us. For this reason, I greatly admire “black sheep” and rebellious teenagers. Their approach can sometimes be reckless but their courage in seeking their personal truth is undeniable.
Understanding yourself so you can be yourself is the most rewarding and empowering endeavour for your unique spirit and humanity.
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Learn more about psychological projection and its impact on personal identity:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/projection